Thursday, October 13, 2011

Cold Feet?

I am getting married tomorrow and was waiting for the cold feet to kick in. Still a no show.  They say it happens to everyone, I'm starting to wonder why? What exactly is cold feet? A worry of never being able to walk away? A thought of never being able to touch another as you touch your mate? A wonder if you will love that person as you love them now?  Wait, stop, hold the phone.  Okay, none of this makes any sense.  If you love the person enough to say yes when the ring was offered, or in the case of guys, love the girl enough to buy the ring.  What would make you think that you were going to get a chance with anyone else when you asked or said yes.  You pretty much sealed the deal then, now its just to make it public and legal.  So what is the issue?  If you love some one enough to pledge your undying love to them, why would you waiver?

So why does 'everyone' get cold feet? Why would they have doubts?  I was told once that, to have even a shadow of a doubt meant that it was not to be.  Why drag yourself through something if you have the doubt?  Why say yes to the ring, or ask?

Okay so I guess the next part is why am I marrying him?  Well, I could say the simple answer of "Because I love him." But I could live with him forever and not marry.  Kinda crazy to think marriage is all for love.  It is a deep part of it, but it's more than that.  It's almost unexplainable, silly that I would write a blog on it and not explain, but that's how it is.  Okay, I'll try.

Being with him is as natural as breathing to me.  Hugging and kissing him good morning, holding his hand, snuggling with him as we watch our favorite shows.  He is a part of me, a living breathing extension of myself.  To marry him is not just the next step of us being together, we've been together for over 5 years.  It's the natural step.  I want to pledge myself to him, to show the world that there are no doubts.  He is the one, my life mate, my love, my perfect match.

I feel that what I share with my soon-to-be husband is not just love, but that amazing bond that only a few are able to experience.  We are the rare find, the match within the billions.  We are the diamond in the rough. The needle in the haystack. We are the happily ever after and after and after.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Wedding Vow- writers block

Ok so writing my own vows is crazy simple yet crazy hard.  I know the poet should be able to come up with something smooth and able to tug the heart strings.  Yeah I guess I just don't have it in me sometimes.  So I looked up some links for Funny Wedding vows  Yeah they were cute, but it didn't fit.
Then I looked up the more traditional vows. Still was not quite what I was going for.
So I thought about how he makes me feel, how I enjoy our time.  The little things we do for each other.  Then as I slept last night the thoughts brought themselves together.
We are the closest of friends, talking of our wants, needs, what bugs us.  I have never had to lie to him, never had to keep a secret.  He knew from day one how I was, who I was, and what I wanted.  I also learned much from him on our first date.  A coffee date.  Our lives have been growing together, it is more then the passion and love for each other.  It is what we learn from each other.  How we balance each other out, and how we work together.  So now I have found my vows.  I have found what I truly want to promise to him on October 14th.
So instead of looking for something that would move me to tears, something I will do anyway.  I have found the full honest truth and will hold it like a shining light before him as I promise my world to join with his.
Life is good.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Rantings of too much to do.

The tension is building up.  I find that I try to distract myself from what I should be doing.  If I should be writing or editing, I'm reading.  If I should be critiquing, I'm editing my own work.  If I should be looking up vow ideas, I'm playing on FB or checking my e-mail.  If I should be working on wedding things, I'm doing anything but.

Yes, I've been putting off everything by doing everything else.  I guess when I really need to do something, my lazybones says no.  Sigh... and so I need to find a way to force myself to get focused.  I know there is much to be done in many aspects of my life.  I want to keep editing my book, so as to be ready to start really writing next month on the sequel.  I want to keep up with the crits, some of my critique partners have addictive stories and I hate leaving a good story left unfinished, either in reading or writing one.  I need to work on my vows, I barely have a clue on how to start.  Yes the writer who gets writers block on wedding vows, how poetically ironic.  Then there is the loose ends for the wedding.  Ah yes there is so much to be done and I don't want to drop any of it for the other.  So I end up a scattered mess of I want, I want, I want.  Oh well.  There is only one thing truly stopping me from being organized and getting everything done that I need doing, and that... is me.

So my fabulous organizational skills are being put to the test. Its easy to organize, but it's so hard staying that way.  Perhaps I should focus on one thing at a time, but from all the work experience I've had in the past 16 years, I've never seen that work out quite well.  Organize while multitasking is more my style anyway, I just need the will to do it.  Hm, yes and where will I find that will... in my next e-mail or crit or um... oops doing it again. OK OK I'm getting back to figuring out what I need to do right now. Hope everyone has a good week.  I'll be pulling my hair out soon, and wishing I could just snap a finger and poof... done. It's nice living in a fantasy world. lol
Oh look... pretty... :) Oh wait, no that's not what I should be doing right now.